Lactation Consultant Stereotypes | It's time we stop being defensive and listen
Read time | 10 minutes
On September 26, 2019, ABC aired episode 1 of season two of A Million Little Things.
Normally, I would know nothing about a new ABC TV show ( I don't have cable), and I most certainly would not remember the premiere date even had I watched it.
But the September 26th episode titled "Coming Home" sparked such outrage in the lactation community that not even 24 hours later, lactation consultants were writing letters to ABC to voice their outrage of how they portrayed lactation support.
To give some context, Delilah Dixon, portrayed by Stéphanie Szostak, had given birth two days prior and was mid discharge when her baby started to fuss. Delilah, feeling overwhelmed and discouraged about how breastfeeding was going, expressed a desire to formula feed to the lactation consultant.
In response to the adjustment in Delilah's feeding plan, the lactation consultant precedes to
Question Delilah's reasoning for wanting to give infant formula (which is nobody’s business)
Shamed Delilah by using her past successful breastfeeding experience as a "motivation" to continue to breastfeed (everyone has a right to make different choices for each kid)
Use accusatory, fear-mongering, and shaming language (Deprive is never found in a supportive statement)
Show absolutely no compassion or empathy for her feelings or the current situation she's in (she’s exhausted, discouraged, and worried about her baby)
All of which occurred in a matter of seconds; 6 seconds to be exact.
In less than 30 words, the Lactation consultant tore down Delilah, reinforced a negative stereotype of lactation professionals or "lactivists" of breastfeeding is more important to us than a parent's mental or emotional health and sparked massive outrage in the lactation community about ABC's audacity to portray us like that.
Instead of understanding that the writer -who quite possibly has experienced a similar encounter with a lactation consultant- wrote the scene because it's relatable to a large portion of viewers, some lactation consultants rang the "conspiracy theory bell," stating the belief that formula companies fund channels to depict us in a negative light.
It's mind-boggling!
I've been very vocal about my issue with lactation professionals, especially IBCLCs, failing parents and their inability to identify their actions that contribute to inadequate lactation support.
But a significant aspect of adequate support is compassionate empathy, something that is NOT tied to outcomes.
My motto for both my business and my personal life is 'compassionate empathy above all else.'
Compassionate empathy is the cornerstone of my whole business because it is an integral part of lactation support. Yet, it is clear that parents are not even receiving "cognitive empathy," which is the most superficial version of empathy if you even consider it empathy at all.
Lactation consultant Stereotypes
Lactation consultants have developed many a reputation over the decades, but here are the most common stereotypes I've found.
The one size fits all lactation consultant
The pushy, aggressive lactation consultant
The rude or mean lactation consultant
The annoying lactation consultant
The "you're not breastfeeding if you're pumping" lactation consultant
The not helpful lactation consultant
The "zaps all the fun out of breastfeeding" lactation consultant
The "stuff baby on the breast" lactation consultant
These stereotypes form because parents- lots of them- share similar experiences and leave the encounter with their lactation consultant feeling similar ways.
Here are a few stories I've found just browsing the interwebs. Notice the common theme between them all.
ehayesreyes wrote
Things were going well with LO (little one) until the morning after delivery in the hospital. The staff lactation consultant came in with a sort of high stress energy that both my son and myself could feel. She asked if my nipples were sore. I told her one was a little because he didn't latch well at the last feeding. She replied "yeah and he's lost weight"
Mind you it's day 2 and completely normal for baby to lose up to 10% of his body weight.
She kept cramming my breast into his mouth and not letting him pull back like he wanted to (which I have since corrected in my own way and time) and he got increasingly hysterical so he wouldn't latch, obviously, so her solution to that was to have me try an uncomfortable sideways position that I never used with my daughter and don't plan to use with him.
He was fussy for the rest of the morning and I was relieved that she didn't come back the next day (probably bc it was Saturday). She would have seen the pacifier AND formula that I was supplementing with and probably chastised me for it.
The last 24 hours have been great. He is latching well and nursing often. My supply is increasing and he has plenty of wet/poopy diapers. I personally don't think it's all doom-and-gloom to use a pacifier and supplement early on so that baby is satisfied until the milk comes in.
For you FTMs, yes listen to your lactation consultant, but don't beat yourself up over things like positioning & latching, or even supplementing if things aren't going perfectly. Lactating consultants are great at identifying problems (a tongue-tied baby for example) and assisting moms with corrections, but I've definitely encountered some that have a one-size-fits-all mentality. Make use of these professionals by asking lots of questions, but don't be pressured into doing something that's not working for both you and your baby.
Jael wrote:
Ok...due to give birth in 10 days to my 2nd daughter. This week I went in to my doctor to review my birth plan with him. I asked that I have a breast pump available after she's born. He told me I'd have to consult with the lactation consultant to have access to the pump. I said, "NO WAY!" I actually wrote "No lactation consultants" in my birth plan. After my first daughter, I had a horrible experience with several overly zealous and totally mean lactation consultants. I even overheard them talking nastily about me in the hallway outside my room...I still want the pump, so I guess I'll have to meet with a consultant...any suggestions about how I can deal with these aggressive ladies??
Response to Jael's post
i just smiled and nodded whenever they were around. i never asked questions, and I never answered their phone calls when I got out. After a few months the phone calls stopped. Sorry I don't have any productive advice, I totally feel ya, lactation consultants are nuts.
Maybe since you've already had one and breastfed the experience wont be terribly bad this time. Maybe they wont feel the need to constantly check in, explain everything, so on. Best of luck on your second :)
? wrote
I answered a question a few days ago; the asker mentioned that her lactation consultant was very rude and made her feel like a terrible mother everytime she asked a question. I have experienced the same thing before. I was surprised to see so many people say, "Oh, they are just so passionate about what they do..." as if that excused their behavior. I doubt that same excuse could be used for other professions. So why is it okay for a lactation consultant to be rude, obnoxious and act high and mighty? Don't they realize that being compassionate and having a better bedside manner would actually give them more success in convincing new mothers to follow through with breastfeeding?
I'm not saying they are ALL rude. My experience, as well as many others I've heard does, however, suggest that it happens more often than not. And with the answers I read before... Why do so many people think it is acceptable?
Dfmk91 writes:
Pushy lactation consultant
Has anyone had one that basically said you're doing everything wrong? I thought the point was the milk not the method. I've been pumping the last few days (my baby is a week old) and she's eating and has sufficient diapers. But bcuz I haven't been forcing her to the breast (she'll refuse to suck or just go to sleep) the consultant made me feel like I was so wrong! Pumping is working for me right now. I'm still trying to get adjusted. I also have a 3 year old.
Palekalediscope shared her experience saying
I had a scheduled c section with my first and I had had a breast reduction about 10 years prior. I f**king tried to breast feed and it just didn't work. My hormones didn't know what to do with the c section and I was warned by my breast reduction surgeon that there was a possibility too many things would be cut and removed for breast feeding to be possible. Turns out I could not breast feed. It just wasn't happening. We had formula all ready to go because we anticipated it but it was still sad for me. And it was even sadder when people would ask how bf-ing was going and I'd have to say "it's not." Got lots of advice or pitiful looks or people telling me that so and so thought they couldn't because of their reduction but they did. I have 2 very healthy and happy kids who never went hungry during infancy due to formula and I'm so happy I didn't listen to anyone else. Especially that lactation consultant at the first birth who was truly Satan's minion and was awful and condescending and pushy and invasive.
I could go on, but I think the picture is clear.
The posters aren't paid actors funded by the formula companies to spread a bad image of lactation professionals.
These are real people seeking validation and support in forums from other people who have similar experiences with lactation consultants.
Instead of falling back on the "I have never seen it first hand so it can't be true" mindset, how about we actually LISTEN, apologize and do better.
If you've had a bad experience with a lactation professional or encountered someone who reinforced the negative stereotype, please share your stories below.
I want you to know, I see you and I am so, so sorry.
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